The Arrival Fallacy: Why happiness always feels one step away

”When I get married, get the promotion, buy the house, finish this project, go on that trip, get the car, lose the weight, finish the degree, win the tournament, move to the other side of the world, THEN I’ll be happy.”

Have you been here before?

Have you reached one of these goals, noticed the satisfaction doesn’t last nearly as long as you thought and shortly after you find yourself thinking about the next marker that will bring you lasting happiness? Conveniently forgetting that you had the same thought about the goal you just met that turned out to be quite anti-climactic.

If you’ve been here before, you’ve probably experienced what Tal Ben-Shahar, positive psychology and leadership expert, coined as The Arrival Fallacy.

The Arrival Fallacy is the false belief that attaining a goal will lead to long term happiness. The reality is that the feeling of happiness is either short lived or sometimes absent altogether.

It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of:

Achievement → External validation → A brief high → Emptiness → The belief that the next goal will be different → Achievement → External validation … and so it continues.

The cycle is often unconscious, but when we do take a moment to recognize that the experience of lasting joy we were promised is fleeting we might even wonder “Is there something wrong with me?”

There are a few things I want you to consider if you resonate with this experience.

First, happiness is a feeling not a state of being. As humans we experience a wide range of different emotions daily, happiness being one of them. We need to let go of the idea that it is possible to be in a state of constant happiness. To be clear, this doesn’t mean we can’t strive to create more moments of happiness in our lives but we will also always experience moments of sadness, anxiety, disappointment, and anger. We need to accept that these emotions are kind of a packaged deal.

Success isn't one size fits all. If we are looking to increase feelings of fulfillment and happiness in our lives, we need to align our goals with our values and contrary to what you’ve been told by society, this is going to be different for everyone. Unfortunately, there are a certain set of achievements that will gain more acknowledgement and accolades from the people around you and society as a whole. You’re likely not going to get a congratulatory gift for recovering from burnout or spending more time with your children. Working toward a life that is more aligned with your values instead of a life that is aligned with external validation is much more likely to bring more joy and lasting fulfillment (which is what we’re really searching for).

Setting goals is great, but constantly chasing the next achievement can pull you away from the joy already present in your life. To cultivate more happiness in your day-to-day, try to savour —fully noticing, feeling, enjoying, and extending positive experiences. In other words, pay attention to what’s good right now and allow yourself to fully be in it.

Happiness isn’t something we finally reach—it’s something we create by being present, aligning with what truly matters to us, and allowing ourselves to savour the life we’re already living.