How to protect your peace during the holidays

This time of year, a lot of us find ourselves stuck in a whirlwind of holiday expectations and pressures, whether it’s social events, work deadlines, financial burdens, family dynamics, or the “new year new me” rhetoric we see plastered all over social media. It’s a lot.

For me, I find it helpful to go into the holiday season with a bit of a plan. Nothing rigid or lacking in flexibility, but something to make me feel grounded and allow me to be present instead of stressed and resentful.

Reflect if you are holding yourself to unrealistic standards for the holiday season. I’m hoping these 5 reminders can help you release some pressure.

Don’t say yes to every social event.

Between work, friends, and family, there can be a lot of get-togethers this time of year. Usually, these get-togethers come with a lot of driving, prepping food, buying gifts or finding child or pet care. Before committing to everything, assess what goes into each event and what you have the capacity for.

Who do you genuinely want to connect with this time of year? And who do you feel you “have” to connect with?

Although it can feel like you have no choice and the overwhelm of get-togethers is happening TO you, you do have a choice. You can say no or set boundaries around the amount of time you show up for. Doing this might come with feelings of guilt which can be uncomfortable to manage, but you don’t want to fall into the trap of overlooking your needs to please others and avoid temporary discomfort.

Reminder: Feelings aren’t facts. Just because you feel guilt bubble up, doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong.

Figure out your non-negotiables and make them a priority.

In your regular routine, what are the weekly or daily habits that make you feel grounded? What are a few things in this routine that you can hold onto over the holidays? It could be as simple as a hot shower before bed, or a morning journaling and coffee ritual. Maybe there’s a yoga class you go to every Wednesday that fills your cup.

It’s likely not realistic to hold yourself to your exact routine but staying consistent with 2 or 3 small things can help bring some sense of stability and peace. These small things usually fill our cup and give us energy in our day-to-day which is even more important when life gets a bit hectic.

Limit social media use.

I realize this is one that can be helpful all year round, but I think it’s especially applicable this time of year, and here’s why. Social media is a breeding ground for comparison and pressure to do more. It tends to highlight what you are lacking and portrays an unrealistic view of what others holiday season looks like.

No one is posting photos of their family fighting over Christmas dinner, feeling disappointed by their partner's gift, the empty seat at the table of a loved one lost, watching crappy TV alone on New Years eve, or not being able to spend time with their children first-year post-divorce.

The holidays are complicated for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, and even though we know logically that this is the reality, there’s no better way to feel more alone in this than scrolling on Instagram during this time.

Let go of perfection.

Expecting nothing to go to plan and being pleasantly surprised when something does is a better mentality than getting stressed when things don’t work out exactly how you thought they would.

If you’re someone who struggles with perfectionism, this time of year is the perfect opportunity to practice letting go.

Perfectionism is based on the fear of losing control. If there is a situation you are feeling particularly anxious about it can be helpful to write down: What in this situation is in my control and what is out of my control? How can I shift my energy and focus from what is out of my control to what is in my control?

For example, it’s not in your control whether Uncle Joe starts talking politics at the family party, but it is in your control to step outside to get some fresh air and take a few deep breaths.

It’s not in your control whether there’s traffic that makes you late to your in-laws, but it is in your control to make the car ride enjoyable by listening to uplifting music or reminiscing about your year.

Remind yourself that good enough, is enough.

Prepare for triggers.

It’s likely that something is going to trigger you this time of year. Whether it’s general stress, relationship dynamics, lack of sleep, or lack of routine, it’s normal to feel a bit more sensitive to our triggers.

I like to create a toolbox for when triggers arise. This will look different for everyone but some ideas to include are: breathing techniques, meditation apps, coloring books, your support person on speed dial, a hot water bottle, a walk around the block, and early night in bed with a book.

Ask yourself, if overwhelm sets in, what am I going to reach for to take care of me?